I wanted to give a quick update on here!
First and foremost.
Our sweet Atticus may just grow to be an acrobatic gymnast! After we found out he was breech, we did all things medically and naturally to flip him, and he didn't budge! However, at my 39 week ultrasound, the lil dude flipped on his own and is now head down! HALLELUJAH.
I learned two lessons in this process. One: HE is in charge. We are doing things on HIS time table and the way the HE wants them to be done. Two: I hope to never pressure my children to do something when they don't feel ready or prepared to do so just because I think it is a good time. The natural thoughts of... COME ON. Only 3% of babies are breech at this point of pregnancy! Why can't you be like other babies? Kay.. really? How easy is it to think... COME ON. Everyone else in your pre-school class is speaking clearly and is writing their name, WHY NOT YOU. Everyone else is learning to read just fine. Everyone else can kick the soccer ball well. Everyone else has already lost a baby tooth! .....
and so on and so on. I want to guide and lead my children to find their passions, but not give them unnecessary pressure when they are simply not ready.
So! No more planning a c-section. Crazy to think that if he was still breech, we would have a week and a half old in our arms today. WHAT. I am so happy things have turned out the way they have.
So fast forward a couple of weeks, and Luke and I moved! We absolutely LOVE our new place. Luke offered a very special dedicatory prayer on our apartment and I truly feel this is our home and this is where Atticus will come and finally be a part of our family.
One evening I had a proper meltdown. The reality of EVERYTHING was sinking in. The reality that our relationship, which I cherish more than ANYTHING,will never quite be the same. The reality that my level of exhaustion and sleep deprivation will be more than I have ever known before. The reality of healing after the birth (and at this point, I don't know exactly what kind of birth it will be, but ALL include some kind of healing). The reality that I am going to be responsible for a child. I will need to know what to do at the right times (make sure he is breathing, eating, pooping, peeing, etc. normally.) All at once, I felt completely overwhelmed. While Luke tried to console my tears, at 11:30 p.m., he told me to get in the car. I was a little confused, but when he boldly makes a suggestion, I have learned to simply go along.
We drove about one minute away from our apartment to a BEAUTIFUL view of Utah County. There, we sat in silence, in awe, at the beauty of the scene before us. My tears started to calm down. I could feel just how concerned he was for me and my worried heart. He proceeded to eloquently tell me that God created the sun so that we could have light. However, he also inspired Thomas Edison to create the light bulb. Thanks for that inspiration, we have light even at the darkest time of the night. And it brings us beauty and joy! The same goes for our lives. We have been given resources to feel His light and joy, however, He has also given us the power to CREATE joy. We can feel light at our darkest moments in our lives through Him. We can create a wonderful life. Will it be hard? Of course it will be! Will we be tested beyond what we feel we are capable of doing? You bet! But we are going to be in it TOGETHER and we have God on our side.
*sigh* Literally.. how did I get such a wonderful man? He teaches me the simple truths of the gospel every single day and I love him immensely. He, in all honesty, is the sunshine of my life.
For the past week, I have tried EVERY SINGLE natural labor induction process you can think of. We have had a lot of fun with some of the things, and I felt confident I would make progress, seeing that I would love to go into labor on my own, to avoid unnecessary medical interventions possible!
This morning I emotionally prepared to have the membrane sweep just to help things move along without medication. I listened to relaxation tracks on the the way and Luke gave me a beautiful priesthood blessing of comfort. While he was giving me that blessing, the Spirit filled out apartment and I felt peace.
Well, here I am at 41 weeks and I just found out that my cervix is completely shut still! 0. Not even 0.5 dilated. Which means the membrane sweep wasn't even possible and that it was time to seriously talk about our next step. Our lil babies head has lowered significantly and is engaging, but no softening of the cervix. My first response was simply laughing. Like... REALLY? Really? Are you sure? And I felt completely OKAY with that outcome. No frustration. Now THAT is divine intervention at work. I know God helped me feel okay and be able to laugh in that moment.
Luke & I sat down with my INCREDIBLE doctor to talk about our options. He is kind and sensitive to my desires, he has decades of experience in this field, and he wants what is best for me and my baby. After deeply discussing pros and cons, the current situation of our baby and how he will continue to grow bigger and bigger, we scheduled an induction just before I hit my 42 week mark.
At first, this sounded completely awful. Pitocin creates HUGE, long, painful, and no break in between contractions that would make it nearly impossible to labor without an epidural. They are so big, it can cause distress on the baby. However, this option is FAR better than having him be in distress and my body not naturally progressing either.
We will just find out how his birthday turns out. But what I have learned is that NO MATTER WHAT it will be a sacred, positive, and joyous reunion with our son. It has already been such a wonderful and crazy journey!
And birth is but a small moment in the life of our sweet Atticus. He has a whole life ahead of him and I am looking forward to being his mother. Preparing for him has been such a joy!
I am thankful he is cozy in there so we have had the time to settle in and prepare for him just a little bit more. And my heart couldn't be happier to be able to fully nest. ;)
We decided to have an African Safari for his nursery. When Luke and I were preparing for our international internship in Africa, we wanted that experience to be a foundation stone of love and service for our family. We desire to have our children know and love different cultures and people from all around the globe and to deeply understand the importance of loving and serving their fellow brethren. While we were there in Africa, we felt the importance of family and received many answers about timing to start our own. :)
So in short, remember PERSPECTIVE. Remember that everything does in fact work out. And that God is on our side!
