If you are like me, when I was 20-21, I felt bombarded with people telling me that I was now in the "DECADE OF DECISIONS." Within the next ten years, I was going to make significant decisions that will in turn make an impact on the rest of my life. Where I study, WHAT I study, who I marry, when to start having kids/how many to have, where to live, career path, etc.
There were days that I didn't trust myself in making such big decisions! If these decisions truly are going to shape my life's course, I am NOT ready to be responsible for such hefty and lasting consequences. I then thought.. God loves us SO much that He gave us free agency. He WANTS us to choose! I returned from my mission in March 2015, and registered for summer semester at UVU. At first, I hated it. It just didn't feel like a right fit for me and I made plans to go back to Dixie that fall and to room with some friends down there. After going on trips back to St. George and setting up arrangements on roommates, I felt like I could survive the summer. My institute teacher, Brother Monson, pulled me aside from class one day. He asked me what my plans were. I told him how I am not liking UVU and that I want to go back to Dixie. We had a nice talk about my expectations and what it was that I was looking for. I then expressed a fear I had that I don't know what my future holds. He then gave me profound advice. Life is like a stage. Most of the time we are in the spot light and we can see things clearly, however, at times of transition, we MUST step into the darkness and have the faith that the Lord will shine the light on you again as you progress. It is designed that we will never know what the future holds. If we could, why are we even here?
He then invited me to stay at UVU for the fall and be involved on Institute Council. I considered it. I went back to Bolivia for a week by myself shortly after that conversation and got to spend time in the mission home, gleaning wisdom from my mission president and his wife. I then decided to stay instead of 'chase happiness.' I immediately got involved in the leadership program on campus at UVU as well as Institute Council. And let me tell you... that was a great decision! I changed my major to find my career path and passion, met Luke Atticus Kennard, and had great leadership opportunities!
I am reminded of the most important (and BEST) decision that I made two years ago this week. The decision to marry Luke Atticus Kennard. Shortly after dating him, I would receive 'little' or 'daily' confirmations that he was the right man to marry. These were things that just made sense. My family noticed that whenever I came home after being with him or after talking on the phone, I was happier. They saw that Luke was independently happy and cherished me like a pearl of great price. We became fast friends and it truly just felt natural.
I look back on all those Young Women lessons of 'make a list of who you want your future husband to be.' I remember putting things like honors his priesthood, tall, ran track, loves music, loves family, will make me laugh everyday, handsome and so on and so on. Then my list became more refined as time moved forward. If you have a list like this, there are only two things you can do with it. 1.) THROW IT AWAY. 2.) Look at those traits, and make it things you need to work on YOURSELF. Yes, Luke fulfilled ALL my 'check list items', but that's not WHY I chose him. Should LOVE, marriage, family, and the rest of eternity depend on a check list?! I would certainly hope not because there is much more to that life changing decisions than items on a piece of paper.
Things felt completely comfortable and progressed at a rate that I wasn't expecting to be perfectly honest. Whenever we talked about marriage, it just FELT right. However, we both wanted to have a firm foundation of a strong conviction that this was in fact the right decision. We both took this decision to prayer and fasting. My experience was that I was fasting all day, and didn't feel any strong particular feelings, but a certain peace and calm throughout my day. When I was closing my fast, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of peace and ASSURANCE. However, I knew that this was still MY choice to make.
Here is how the day he proposed went:
It was a Saturday, and I had work in the morning. I knew that Luke was taking my dad out to lunch while I was at work, but I thought it was a time for him to get to know my dad better. Luke had come to many family events up to this point, but never had one on one time with my dad. I have thought they were so similar since the day I met Luke, and thought this was just going to be a fun time to get together.
Although, I had that tinge of hope and wonder if this was 'the talk!' I came home from work and my mom decided that we should go get a manicure. (My mom knew things I didn't obviously!)
Little do I know, that Luke picked my dad up and immediately gave him a letter. My dad proceeded to read this written letter in Luke's passenger seat while Luke drove them to a Chilean Restaurant where they serve delicious empanadas. This letter explained his love and devotion to God and to me. He explained how deeply he felt for me and he would do everything in his power to provide for our family and protect me. The first words said after were my dad asking, "So, when are you doing to ask her?"
My dad came home from this meaningful lunch, and I was in the kitchen. I got excited and asked him how it went. He non-nonchalantly said that it was fun, they ate empanadas, talked about high school sports and hobbies. He then told me that he thinks Luke likes me and he is a good guy and he walked out of the room! I couldn't believe it! I actually thought this was going to be 'it' but I guess my first instinct of them just going to have a good time was right! I was amazed.
Little did I know that my dad told my mom everything and showed her the letter. She IMMEDIATELY texted Luke and said that he should propose that evening! Now, of course we were in love, but we were planning on waiting a couple more months to get engaged and possibly get married in August. We hadn't gone ring shopping or thought about anything like that quite yet.
Well, that evening we planned to be ushers in the Provo City Center Temple Open House for the last night before the dedication. It was so fun to be there to greet so many different families.
We weren't together the entire night since there were rotations within the ushers, but it was a great experience! Once the open house closed (around 10:30 p.m.) we were invited to take our time and walk around the temple one last time before they close the doors for cleaning and the dedication. At this point, I was not with Luke, we got separated. I remember thinking, this would have been such a cool experience to do together, but without my phone, I don't know if we will find each other. So I started going up the stairs to walk around by myself. At this time, I was approached by a woman who was coordinating the event, and she curiously asked how I felt about blind dates. I thought she meant in general, and since Luke and I initially met on a blind date, I told her how I LOVE them and I think they are amazing! She got this glitter and gleam about her and said, really? Because I just received revelation that I need to set you up with my son! At this point of the conversation I was so confused because the majority of the night I was with Luke and I knew she knew I came here with my boyfriend.
I remember questioning... am I ready to commit to Luke? Am I ready to close doors to 'opportunities' to meet new guys? *Open invitation for FEAR, DOUBT, and all of Satan's favorite feelings.* I was walking up the stairs with this in my heart and I was confused. I walked through the brides room, and there was Luke! He hugged me and seemed so calm. We went to the chapel and sat there for a while. He could see something was on my mind, but I just said that I was feeling EVERYTHING, because that was the truth. I then had this feeling that what I have and what I know now is ENOUGH. We were the last people to walk up the stairs to go to the celestial and sealing rooms. We were walking to the celestial room and I was in AWE and amazement and the beauty and the serene feeling that comes from that room. He then stalled, as the last group was going down the stairs and it was just us on that top floor. He took me to the sealing room and stopped in front of the sign that said "The Sealing Room, where a man, woman and their family can be sealed for time and all eternity." He then grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye and said, "I talked with your dad today." My heart SKIPPED a beat. We then walked into the sealing room and I was in front of him, looking up at that incredible chandelier, when I felt him stop. I turned around and there he was, down on one knee, shaking, holding a key ring off of his key chain, and said, "Janessa Furness. Will you marry me?" My thoughts were racing, my heart was pounding, and I just couldn't believe that THIS. WAS, IT. This was the night of all nights. This was actually happening. After breathing out an excited yes, I knelt down right beside him.
In that moment, I remember offering a prayer of gratitude and a plea for help. Luke and I prayed that we have made this decision together, and to please BLESS this decision to make it the best decision we have ever made. Help us to stay humble and always seeks His counsel. After praying, I remember being filled with excitement and peace! We danced for a little bit and I knew that we had a happy future ahead of us.
From Luke's perspective, after coming home from lunch with my dad, he received a text from my mom stating that he should propose that night! He kind of laughed and thought, I hadn't even thought of proposing tonight! I don't have a ring and I have no idea how I would do it. He then prayed about it and before leaving for the open house, he saw his key ring. He then talked with God and said, well, if the opportunity arises, I guess I could propose with this ring. He had NO idea what he was going to do or when. That's what I like to call a man of faith. ;)
Walking out of the temple, we looked at one another, and said "WE ARE ENGAGED.... AN NO ONE KNOWS!!!!" Who should we tell first? At this point it was close to midnight.
I bring up the night of how we got engaged, because for me it was a pinnacle time for us. It was a time where we learned we are not puppets in God's hands. He wants us to MAKE decisions, be empowered with what we can do with our lives, and come to Him with our decisions and have him bless them.
I am so grateful for this journey and how it started with a ginormous leap of faith. As changes are made and we have encountered times of transition together, I have noticed that this life is all about FAITH. Luke is my closest friend and is truly the sunshine in my life.
So in short, if you are 'paralyzed' by a certain decision you need to make {job, where to live, who to date, to continue in the relationship you are in, what major to choose, where to study, when is a good time to start a family, internships, travel opportunities, etc.} know that I am rooting for you! You got this! And most of the time, there is not just ONE right choice! If you have a pile of acceptance letters in front of you and you are being a good boy or girl, the Lord WILL guide your footsteps. If you don't receive a clear answer immediately, HE TRUSTS YOU! Isn't that amazing?! And HE WILL bless that decision. He will never leave you.
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