Plans Change

Oh how humbling is it when plans change. 

My husband encouraged me to write TODAY while I am experiencing some hard emotions because this post invites authenticity as well as will help me cope and process. This is to show that when plans change, it CAN be okay. And if something is okay, that doesn't make it any easier. We don't need to slap a smile on our faces when going through trials and challenges, but to maintain a sense of hope and an internal joy that we have Christ, our Savior, with us. He knows us. He loves us. And we celebrate HIM this Easter season. Now, this is my journey. I know everyone's circumstance is different and unique. Some trials may seem 'harder' than others. However, I don't believe in comparing trials nor saying 'at least you have...' when someone is experiencing grief. So this is a little bit of how my last two days have gone. 

{Photo Credit: Ben Fuller @a.fuller.life.photography}

I have enjoyed this pregnancy for SO many different reasons. While taking an empowering birthing class with my sweet husband, we have been excited and motivated to prepare for our son's birthday. We have learned how birth can be a positive experience and how beautiful it really is! Our whole perspective has changed and it has been AMAZING. 

I have learned useful breathing techniques for every stage of labor, met with women who have given birth with peace and serenity (and some of these women gave birth to 10 pound babies, no medication, no tearing, no medical intervention). Learning from them, preparing my body/spirit/mind, doing pelvic floor exercises daily, practicing hypnosis and breathing exercises every day has been such an incredible journey. Something that this journey has taught me is to greet each change in my birth journey with optimism and confidence and that my baby and I will work together to have a healthy and safe outcome. I have learned the importance of loving and respecting my growing body. I have learned the power of our mind and the way we perceive pain and discomfort. I have learned the POWER from repeating positive and confident affirmations every single day! I have become a better version of myself throughout this pregnancy. 

He has been in optimal birthing position this whole pregnancy. Of course he is a big healthy boy! My instructor, who has blessed our lives in so many different ways, had a peaceful unmedicated birth with her 10 pound son, let me know that we grow babies the same. We like those big healthy babies! (I was 9.5 pounds, my husband was 10 pounds. Right now, our son is in the 97th percentile for his head) My body created this baby, and my body knows exactly how to birth him gently. IT IS AMAZING. Our cervix and vagina dilate to the optimal size for our babies. And if we learn and train our minds to allow our pelvic floor to COMPLETELY relax, tearing doesn't have to be a normal thing. 

It has been so fun preparing with my husband- he is going to be such an amazing birthing partner! He has learned these amazing techniques on how to relax and put pressure on certain points and muscles on my body during labor. He is faithful and motivated to be the best that he can be! We read together and practice together as we imagine what our lives are going to be like with a son. This has been such a beautiful bonding experience for us and I am SO grateful for him! We have worked together with my incredible doctor to create the optimal birthing situation. We toured the hospital and went to their room where they have unmedicated births. This is where they have the tub with candles in there, dim lights, birthing ball, and the comforts of creating a peaceful atmosphere. The nurses were so happy that we were planning an unmedicated birth since that has been proven to show the best benefits for mom and baby! 

{Photo Credit: Ben Fuller @a.fuller.life.photography}

Then, things started to change. Yesterday, in our last ultra sound, we found out our baby completely flipped and is now breech. My doctor was extremely sensitive in talking about options since this whole pregnancy we have talked about how excited we were to go unmedicated and how beneficial that will be for the baby. My mind went through a whirlwind and I just felt like my world has been rocked. I am not fixated on having an unmedicated birth, I just want a healthy baby and I want to be healthy enough to care for him and bond with him. I have done extensive research and classes to learn the benefits. 

First thing this morning, we went to labor and delivery and my wonderful doctor performed a ECV to attempt to flip him so I could deliver vaginally. It was quite an intense procedure! I am SO grateful I have been practicing breathing and relaxation, because that came VERY handy. He tried flipping him multiple times in different directions, however, my baby's little bum is quite cozy in my pelvis. He said that this  procedure was larger than ANY contraction during labor and a c-section can't even compare to that procedure so that learning how to breathe through discomfort is crucial! 

As we were weighing our options and discussing together, looking at the risks and benefits of both sides, I started to feel emotional. I really just want what is best for our son. I NEVER wanted to plan his birth date since I strongly believe that babies come when they are ready and we need to let labor happen on it's own. As humbling as it was, we are now scheduling a c-section. Two different sides of the spectrum. Planning for a serene birth, being completely alert and active during my birth to major surgery. 

I have felt a lot of different emotions today. Sadness. Relief that our baby is still okay. Hopeful. Exhausted. Nervous. 

I have been humbled to think of the reason we are celebrating this week. Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace, MY Savior and Redeemer, knows what I am feeling and knows how to comfort me. I testify that Christ knows me. He knows you. Come to Him. He won't necessarily take away your trials- especially if He knows they will make you stronger. But he will be there for you, build your strength, help you become more compassionate, and comfort you. 

God is good... ALL the time. Even when life takes unexpected turns, we can still feel peace and optimism.